It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
