ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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