There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
