Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
