He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
