wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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