I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
