I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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