i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
