it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
