i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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