what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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