my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
