So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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