Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
