Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
