OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
