it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
