forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
