ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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