I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
