just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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