I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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