She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
