I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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