if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
