the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
