Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
