I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
