you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
