You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
