It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
