google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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