remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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