Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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