So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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