this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
