I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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