She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Welp...herpes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
