My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
