Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
