her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
