Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
