Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
