doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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