I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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