Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
