If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
