hotel room ftw
I love black thongs
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
