Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
