there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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