You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
