3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
