You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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