You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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