So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
