hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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