Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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