Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
