Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
