Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
