allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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