i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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